I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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