Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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