ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
