The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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