My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
