I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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