I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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