So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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