my room smells like sperm. sweet.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
