Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
