Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It was like getting head from an anaconda
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
