I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
