Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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