I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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