so explain again why im purple
no
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
