Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I will be naked everywhere
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
