I just cut my nipple shaving
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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