I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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