all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
