I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
