my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
