I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
