You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
