ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I skipped work to stalk him.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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