My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
