Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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