just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
