he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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