Kiss
Puke
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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