Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
