I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
