do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
