The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
