Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
i think my cat just said my name.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
