What a fucking waste of an outfit
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
