i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
