thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
