After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
