My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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