She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
