there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
