That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
