Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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