You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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