My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
