I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
