Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
