I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
