sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
