the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
