Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Randomize
