is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
