We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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