i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
be right there i have to get my cape
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
