some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
